goal

The least amount of words with the most amount of meaning

...

One day it's clear 

It all makes sense

That day was yesterday for me

My life is gonna be incredible

There is no other option

:)

...I have an idea

what guides you?

Everything people say

Everything people do

Everything you have to overcome 

A better life

Your dreams 

THE MUSIC❤️

hmm...

I thought God was maybe a drug delusion....

I turned away from him like the plague.

What's real?

Whose there?

enough said...

 

the storm has gone...

And the sky is clear

My mind is right

My heart is full 

My sketchbooks are full

Just filling in the spaces I left blank 

I REALLY hope this makes sense

FUCK IT  I'm gonna give it my all

It's all I've got

 

life..

The thing with life. Well my life at least I feel like sometimes things happen that upset you it's inevitable but it's how you handle those situations that really make the world of different. I mean of course greif about it! Sometimes fucked up things happen be upset about it! But don't stay upset for to long that's the key. It seems like the universe has a way or working everything out. It's crazy. 

weighing on my heart..

I'm feeling feelings that I really shouldn't. It feels good but sounds so bad!! I'm so confused! Why can't it be simple?! I'll see where this goes...I mean I definatly like to  disrupt the norm

just a thought...

It hurts when I get all excited about my drawings and people get worried. It's like I'm great and happy and I'm working 6 days and paying bills. Keeping things together. I kinda feel like people kind of feel a little overwhelmed by how excited and passionate I get once I am talking about my journals and art....because I have an out if this world imagination. That's what means something to me! I dunno just a thought...

oh my gosh

I am feeling something that sounds bad but feels natural.... 

This is one I'll probably take to my grave!! 

one day

This is one of the ones that doesn't have a super crazy story behind it ... 

but to me this picture is just me wanting to be in a song or a song about me 

It would just mean so much! It wouldn't even have to be with a boyfriend it could be from a friend. That is just a loving gesture that I dream about. Hmm....hopefully one day :)

 

oh quick thought!

I'm sure everyone has heard this...

A picture is worth a thousand words

That just inspired me! That's what I decided to create :)

by the way

The pictures mean so much more I just don't want to say it all lol 

I'd like to be asked about though!

Cuz if you like a picture I can totally tell you a back story :)

do it all day every day!

So there is this great Lupe Fiasco cd I listened to when I was at a better tomorrow(my 1st rehab ever) and his cd is called Lasers and in at least one song he said

 Love Always Shines Everytime Remember to Smile
  

I just always loved that! 

It just makes so much sense!

chasing the dragon

This is what heroine looks like to me. It is a sweet looking dragon at first but who knows how dangerous it really is! I honestly absolutely love the feeling heroine gives me!! Like most drugs for me they all literally feel like I'm in love. Who doesn't want to chase that feeling!! But yeah not being crazy like I used to be. Drug court changed me! It's cool I'm a stronger person because of wit. 

 

if only you knew what my pictures truly mean

This was just a little sketch with ball point pen. I don't know where I heard this but it was just like how that's exactly what I do! I draw such simple things but they are pieces of my life all having sooo much deeper meaning than anyone could ever know...if only they knew... ;p 

I try and write a story in just one picture. 

My life has just been so full of interesting experiences....the homies know what I'm talking about !! :D 

These pictures I draw are formed in my mind mixing my version of pictures I like and music. I have to have music on when I draw! I get so many good ideas that way!!

 

loving life

It's just so nice to have people there for you! I just yesterday met my cousin that I've never met before. Andrey and Alex wow they are so great! And andrey and I have been talking since we met! He is so cool! Totally easy to talk too! And he is family so there isn't pressure about sex. That is really refreshing! He reminds me of Chris crump! Ah that's so who he reminds me of! So cool!! Cuz uh Chris is a fucking badass! And so is andrey!

And I'm kind of texting Rob too! He doesn't really respond fast lol but he always sends me something nice! Gosh Rob.....he is just such a stand up guy! That is pretty rare!! ...... Oh memories! We have fun!

OMG!! Someone just read me a letter I wrote them a few years ago and wow!! I wish I could say on here how I feel reading it but that is one for my journal! Life is just incredible!! There are always people that just blow your mind!!in my life there is at least lol! I love life and people! I mean there are ALOT of weirdos out there but when you least expect it someone deep comes around and just make life have meaning!!

Gosh I can't help but think about how I messaged Jeff last night and sent him a couple pictures I drew and he told me not to message him cuz he has a gf now and doesn't want to make her uncomfortable....uhh it's just pictures of art no nude anything...I literally don't think about him sexually or romantically at all. He was my first ever serious boyfriend and we dated for 3 years and he can't even look at things I've drawn....I don't say this often but what an ass!! That really hurt! I mean damn. Oh well what can you do. I'm not gonna cry about it. I just really really enjoy Connecting with people from my past...I did a lot of fucked up things over the years and for so long I was too humiliated to talk to anyone cuz I have no idea what I could of possibly have said or done...I mean I defiantly remember being not so very nice to people at least towards the end of my using. I totally burned bridges. But today I am trying to make things right or at least apologize. Most people are so happy to hear from me again and glad I'm doing good but there are a couple 2 at this point that just don't even want to talk to me. The wreckage of our past right?! MAke amends whenever possible!

This picture is one that I got the idea from banksy(my favorite graffiti artist). It's my version of his peice. This grim reaper is basically death but he is happy...cuz death happens to everyone and everything you never know when or where or how you will die...well almost never haha..but to me this guy is kind of like "fuck it" I'm gonna enjoy this short time here on earth because who knows what if it's empty! What if there is nothing after you die! I believe it's so important to love EVERYTHING your doing or going through and EVERYONE because it is suppose to happen ...for some greater reason the universe has it all planned out for you. "I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul" I don't really believe in God which I'll explain when I get a chance today but I feel like the universe wants to give you everything you have ever wanted you just have to want it and love it so much that you don't give up or forget. It's like a test...the universe is like how bad do you want it? I'll give it to you just show me that you really want it. 

 

My art!

I really want to share it sooo bad!!! I do sometimes but no one seems to think it's as amazing as I do...that breaks my heart...these pictures are literally my feelings and memories in drawings. Does anyone really care how I feel deep inside...I know one day someone will. And that is gonna feel so amazing! I just want someone to feel what I feel! I feel in my heart like I'm on ectasy but I haven't done it in like 4 or 5 years. It just feels like I'm in love. Like all the time! I'm in love with life and my family and my friends and my pets and my surroundings and memories! I wish I could bottle up my love and sell it! I have a picture I drew of what I would like the can of my love juice to look like! Lol I don't have a picture with me but I'll take one and post it when I get home. Live in love<3

I got in an argument with my mom the other day. She wanted to hang out Monday after work and I told her I'd see how I feel Monday cuz it was an insane weekend at work plus I was up really late Saturday night cuz the most amazing guy ever stopped by,but I didn't tell her about him(dalton). She started raising her voice and said I can't just get through life doing what I FEEL ....uh ok....that got me thinking I do everything based on how I feel. Like I felt it was so fun sleeping in my car with the homies...but I don't feel like doing that anymore....I felt like using drugs and did them so much for a couple years and I LOVED it!.....but some of this drugs make you go coo koo crazy so I don't feel like doing them anymore! I felt like I didn't want to go to jail...so I never used in drug court...
That's just to list a few...I never wanted to go through life doing what society tells us. I want/wanted to have as much fun as possible. That came with some costs defiantly! But I seem to go through phases. And now I'm at the phase where I want to fall in love, share my art and words, and keep things mellow and fun! I've got all this freedom now and I don't know who to share it with. I've been sharing it with dalton and that is so amazing! But I don't think he still thinks of me in a romantic way....

My first post.... I really want to get out all the amazing things that I've never been able to get off my mind. I really don't care if no one sees it( it would be nice though) I just wanted to see how blogging works again. I did it before when I was at art institute and I was injecting meth and bath salts. It's interesting! Haha. But now I haven't touched anything more than weed in almost 4 years. Not really cuz I wanted to but I had too I got caught in the system and ended up in drug court! But I graduated that January 4th 2016 and it feels incredible! I'm keeping things mellow now. :)